I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
