I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
