she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
