I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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