I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
