FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
