matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
All I want is dick and wine.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
