I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
