god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
