if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
