he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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