my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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