We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
