I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
should my penis look like a turkey
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
