even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
What a dumb baby whore.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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