Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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