First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
