What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
