I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
