Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
