I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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