what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My pussy is not your playground.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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