um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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