well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
