I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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