Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
