She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
