Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
