9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
