just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
