so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
