He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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