if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
pop tarts are not kleenex
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize