the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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