standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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