All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
