$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
