Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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