im having a threesome with these popsicles
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
