There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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