How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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