I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
