You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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