Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
