"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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