I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
