I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
