pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
BRING THE BAGELS
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
