Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I pour the whiskey from now on
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
