Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
