So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
