The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
