I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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