TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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