get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
