Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
